can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
