Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
