That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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