see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
