Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
