i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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