He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
