Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize