there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
