I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
