I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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