Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I stole a fireplace last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
