Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
