She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
