I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
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