I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
