I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
