she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
