Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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