Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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