i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
