he wants to bone in the snuggie
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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