I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
...so i touched it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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