Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
