I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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