She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
