I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
