I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
