Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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