I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
