Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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