How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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