so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
