I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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