Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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