I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
