At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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