Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
