I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
