Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
