I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize