I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
