You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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