i just had sex bonerless
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
