I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
