Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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