Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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