This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dignity is for republicans.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
