I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
