well you can't waste a boner
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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