Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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