Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
