I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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