So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
