It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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