his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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