If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
