i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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