Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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