So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
