smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
