Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
