It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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