oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
