My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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