Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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