I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
