It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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