I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
